Gottman Method

Can help with

The Gottman Method uses the metaphor of a house built on nine fundamental components. Therapists use this structure to assess and strengthen couple dynamics.

1. Build Love Maps: The foundation. Knowing your partner’s psychological world—their history, current stresses, daily worries, personal goals, and joys.

2. Share Fondness and Admiration: The antidote to contempt. Actively noticing and verbally expressing respect, affection, and gratitude for one another instead of taking each other for granted.

3. Turn Towards Instead of Away: Responding to small, daily "bids" for connection (a comment, a touch, a look, or a request for help) to build up a bank account of emotional safety.

4. The Positive Perspective: An overall state of mind where partners give each other the benefit of the doubt. When this level is functioning well, positive feelings override minor daily annoyances.

5. Manage Conflict: Focusing on managing—rather than eliminating—conflict. This involves distinguishing between solvable problems and perpetual issues, adopting a gentle start-up, and learning to self-soothe when physiologically overwhelmed.

6. Make Life Dreams Come True: Creating an environment where each partner feels supported in reaching their personal goals, dreams, and aspirations, even when those dreams differ.

7. Create Shared Meaning: The top level. Building a unique inner culture together through shared rituals, family traditions, values, and a common sense of purpose.

8. Trust: The belief that your partner acts in your best interest and has your back. It is built when each partner shows that their actions consider the other's well-being.

9. Commitment: The conviction that the relationship is a lifelong journey. It means choosing to cherish what you have rather than comparing your partner unfavorably to real or imagined alternatives.terest and believing the relationship is a lifelong endeavor.